even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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