If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize