Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
