So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
