So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
