You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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