The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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