I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hippo gnu deer
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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