I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
