I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Randomize
