K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
