We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dicks are not precious.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
