What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
