it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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