I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
