if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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