My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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