I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
