my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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