Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you traded sex for a burrito?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
