I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
