he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
