At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
