In the future we'll all be gay
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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