I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
