Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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