The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
