so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
