Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
