YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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