My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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