You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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