Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
