Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish there were birth control emojis
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
