The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
