#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
