She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
