I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
