It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
