Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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