he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
