I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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