You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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