Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
