Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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