My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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