ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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