FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
