My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
