remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
