I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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