So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hope mine doesn't look like that
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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